Somalia’s Achilles Heel

On October 4th 2011, an sociopath with daddy issues Al-shabaab militant drove a truck ladened with fuel into a compound that was temporarily housing government ministries. The death toll from this atrocious and inhumane act has been estimated at over 90 dead. Many of the fallen were students applying for scholarships to study abroad.  Al-shabaab proudly claimed responsibility and shouted promises of more carnage to come. The diaspora is distraught, Mogadishu in mourning, and the international community in shock.

For those of you unfamiliar with Al-shabaab, allow me to offer you a quick introduction to this sophisticated organization compromised of al Qaeda rejects, self-hating negros, and aging megalomaniac warlords who have found salvation in religious carnage. They are motivated by fear, irrationality, religious intolerance, and scorn humanity. They also have an irrational fear of the following four entities. For reasons unbeknownst to us

Now that we’ve properly identified these purveyors  of pandemonium, we must then ask, how do they continue to operate and execute their butchery, despite our seemingly united front against their ideals. Because there is no united front against their ideals. Allow me to explain myself. While we may all be idealogically opposed to the methods of Al-Shabaab, their message of religious extremism runs deep in the psych of many Somalis. Many of us in the diaspora willingly allow our children to attend madrasas that pervert the peaceful teachings of  Islam, and we are now are witnessing an emerging class of youth who are angst filled with dogmatic principles. We can continue to blame external forces for our internal dilemma, but unless we as a society address the root of this problem, attacks on our collective existence will continue.

To help us identity if you’re ideologically linked with Al Shabaab, here is a quick quiz to help you navigate your beliefs on the limits of religious tolerance.

1. I believe that women are :

a) valuable members of society, and deserve the same politically, social, and economically rights as men.

b) nice to be around when their not moving their mouth

c) the half-way point between a child and a centipede.

2. The relationship between church and state should be:

a) completely seperate, and a society ought to run on democratic governance and not theocracy.

b) there is no state without the religious council

c) You should have your head chopped off for asking this haram question

3. The ideal society consists of :

a) book learning, scientific progress, social harmony

b) obedient women, obedient children, and book burning

c) somewhere between the Dark Ages and post cold war Afghanistan

4. I think Ayan Hirsi Ali is:

a) a perfect candidate for my stainless steel knife

b) a misguided opportunist and a neo-con shill

c) a woman with controversial ideas who has the right to voice them in an open and democratic society

5. I think the writer of this post is:

a) Clever, insightful, and controversial

b) dead on sight

c)an opportunistic megalomaniac D list internet blogger

Here is your answer key: please tally your scores according to your answers.

1. a=1 b=2 c=3

2. a=1 b=2 c=3

3. a=1 b=2 c=3

4. a=3 b=2 c=1

5.a=1 b=3 c=2

if you scored between 5-8, you are…….

the Somali equivalent of Keith Olbermann. A raging Liberal who believes in science and progress, and rejects any notions of dogmatic philosophies. You believe in democratic governance, and your fans would call you a humanist, and your critics a heretic at best. If you fall into this category, you’re royally screwed. You will always be an outkast amongst Somalis, and my advice is to run away and live in Finland.

If you scored between 8 and 10…you are…

Average Joe. Your religious and political belief system is quite centered, and much of your worldview is completely in line with the majority of society. You are amongst the walking dead, completely irrelevant and a bore. You’re average. Your are the personification of the status quo. As long as the X factor continues on tv, and your dinner is ready, you aren’t much of a threat to anyone. 9 of ten activists would exterminate your kind, if it were inline with the Geneva Convention. You sir, madam, are a waste of space. Why are you still breathing? This is me pleading with your heart to stop pumping right now.

If you scored between 11-15, you are….

A flippin Menace. A fanatic…A Terrorist….you are…

what we call the antidote to modernity and progress. It was your ancestors that stood in the way of Galileo, and called for the burning of witches. It was your kin that burned the libraries of Alexandria to the ground, and you continue your campaign of irrationality and fear today. You fine person, are a menace, and you’re I.P has just been logged, and will be sent to Homeland Security as we speak. You are Al-Shabaabs demographic. Damn you to an eternity of scantily clad women, butterflies, happy people, and music.

There we have it folks….now that you know where you stand….will you finally take a stand?


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